Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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