There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
