I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
