Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
