I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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