I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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