she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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