Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
