I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
as a side note pls kill me
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
