it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
