Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
