don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I intend to get homeless drunk
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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