I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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