I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
