Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
How many fucks given?
0.12846
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
