i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
