Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
