When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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