Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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