So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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