Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
