Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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