according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
