God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
