i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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