just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
