Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
