Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
