I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
