FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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