it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
well you can't waste a boner
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
