He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
