Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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