So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
