Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
