And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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