i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I enjoy the company of your penis
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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