I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
