Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
