i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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