I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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