Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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