Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
