Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
