Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize