I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
