I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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