Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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