I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
