I have demons in me.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
