Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
