how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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