Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
