We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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