Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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