that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
A bitchslap is in order.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
