last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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