just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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