very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
