i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
