I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize