I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
