I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize