sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Randomize
