billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
