I must be too annoying 4 u.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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