Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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