dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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