I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
