Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
