I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
His nipple licking is glorious
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
