Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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