Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
