It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
