remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
