She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
